Toby Messer
Focused, practical psychotherapy for everyday problems
About Toby
Toby Messer uses a blend of practical, talking-based approaches to help people make real changes in their lives. He focuses on what is happening now while also looking at patterns that began earlier. Toby aims to be clear and direct in sessions, helping people identify next steps they can try between meetings.
With 11 years of experience, he draws on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) to address symptoms and build useful skills.
Background and approach
He also uses Attachment-Based and Client-Centred ways of working to explore how relationships and early experiences shape feelings and behaviour. This combination allows him to balance practical skill-building with attention to personal history. Toby helps people with a wide range of concerns, including stress and anxiety, depression, addiction, grief, self-esteem, and relationship or intimacy-related issues.
He also works with matters such as sleep and eating difficulties, career changes, ADHD, compassion fatigue, and coping with life transitions. Additional focus areas include body image, chronic illness and caregiver stress. Sessions are straightforward and goal-oriented.
He will help set clear aims and offer exercises or experiments to try between sessions. Conversations are aimed at helping people notice patterns, test new behaviours, and build more workable ways of coping. Toby holds NCPS as a listed credential and practises in the United Kingdom.
He offers work in English and accepts international clients by arrangement.
What Toby works with
How Toby works
Listed by Toby among the ways they work.
Listed by Toby among the ways they work.
Listed by Toby among the ways they work.
Listed by Toby among the ways they work.
Listed by Toby among the ways they work.
Listed by Toby among the ways they work.
Sessions & fees
How Toby's approaches transfer to online therapy
Toby often uses Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy in his work. CBT focuses on spotting and changing unhelpful thoughts and behaviours, which can be practised during video or phone conversations and reinforced with exercises between sessions. ACT helps people notice thoughts and feelings without fighting them, while focusing on values-led actions; this approach suits short exercises, mindfulness practices, and goal-setting that translate well to remote formats.Finding the best approach is collaborative. Toby will discuss goals and try methods that feel right for each person. Together they fine-tune what works, combining practical exercises with reflection so the approach can change as progress is made.
Online sessions offer practical benefits. Video calls allow face-to-face conversation when visual cues help the work. Phone sessions use less bandwidth and can be easier to fit into a busy day. Live chat or text messaging suits shorter check-ins, written reflection, or people who prefer typing. These options make it easier to keep continuity and fit therapy into everyday life.
| Session length | Typically 50 minutes |
|---|---|
| Client ages | Adults, 18 and over |
| Fees | Subscription via BetterHelp, cancel anytime |
| Insurance | Not billed directly |
Questions people ask
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Areas of focus
What this therapist works with
Most often
- Stress, Anxiety
- Relationship issues
- Grief
Also listed
- Abandonment
- Addictions
- ADHD
- Aging and geriatric issues
- Anger management
- Antisocial personality
- Attachment issues
- BDSM, kink, and alternative sex culture
- Bipolar disorder
- Blended family issues
- Body image
- Cancer
- Career difficulties
- Caregiver issues and stress
- Chronic pain, illness, and disability
- Coaching
- Codependency
- Commitment issues
- Communication problems
- Compassion fatigue
- Control issues
- Coping with life changes
- Coping with natural or human-caused disaster
- Dependent personality
- Depression
- Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder (DMDD)
- Dissociation
- Divorce and separation
- Domestic violence
- Drug and alcohol addiction
- Eating and food-related issues
- Eating disorders
- Emptiness
- Family conflicts
- Family of origin issues
- Family problems
- Fatherhood issues
- Fertility issues
- First responder issues
- Forgiveness
- Gender dysphoria
- Guilt and shame
- Hoarding
- Hospice and end-of-life counselling
- Impulsivity
- Infidelity
- Intimacy-related issues
- Isolation / loneliness
- Jealousy
- LGBT
- Life purpose
- Men's issues
- Midlife crisis
- Money and financial issues
- Mood disorders
- Multicultural concerns
- Narcissism
- Obsessions, compulsions, and OCD
- Panic disorder and panic attacks
- Paranoia
- Parenting issues
- Personality disorders
- Phobias
- Polyamory / non-monogamous relationships
- Post-traumatic stress
- Postpartum depression
- Pregnancy and childbirth
- Process addiction (porn, exercise, gambling)
- Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
- Self esteem
- Self-harm
- Self-love
- Sex addiction
- Sexual assault and abuse
- Sexual dysfunction
- Sexuality
- Sleeping disorders
- Social anxiety and phobia
- Trauma and abuse
- Trichotillomania
- Veteran and Armed Forces Issues
- Workplace issues
- Young adult issues
Therapeutic approaches
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
- Attachment-Based Therapy
- Client-Centred Therapy
- Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
- Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT)
- Existential Therapy
- Jungian Therapy
- Mindfulness Therapy
- Motivational Interviewing
- Psychodynamic Therapy
- Solution-Focused Therapy
- Trauma-Focused Therapy
- Systemic Therapy
- Experience
- 11 years
- Registered with
- NCPS
- Languages
- English
